Thanks for sharing your story!
I have always kind of wondered if I could be bisexual because I could emotionally picture myself in a relationship with a girl or guy. But I am in no way sexually attracted to girls. So I figured no I’m just straight by default - because what else is there? But really I have never been sexually attracted to any guys either. Before going to college last year I never thought about/desired a serious relationships/sex - like ever. But I knew that that was pretty different. I knew that it was weird that I, as an 18 year old girl could like a very good-looking guy emotionally (and love a girl on another occasion) but could never picture myself doing much more than kissing them - even that seemed pretty bizarre.
I sort of went into freshman year with the idea that there is something wrong with me that had to be fixed - hence the stream of making out sessions with people and hookups galore. But… I never felt sexually attracted to any of those people nor did I really want to have sex with them (besides the purpose of trying to make myself feel attracted to someone/feel normal). Nor did I ever enjoy sex, crave it or really feel anything at all. Since late elementary school/early middle school when everyone started talking about boys I never really got it. I wished that people would keep taking about Barbie and Pokemon. I didn’t understand the whole “who do you like?”, I’ve never had a celebrity crush (ever!), I’ve never had a sexual dream or fantasy, I don’t really even understand the distinction between a friendship and a relationship too well. And all the people that my friends thought were hot at school had to first be pointed out to me and I was just agreeing.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have been in denial/didn’t know that I am asexual (not sexually attracted to anyone) and trying to act “normal”/straight. I want to fall in love with anyone - male, female, gender-queer - anyone who wants to love me back and doesn’t fear/hate the fact that I will never be sexually attracted to them.
Ever since figuring out this about myself and telling a few people I am so much happier. A lot of the confusion and sadness in my life is gone. I know I still have a lot of struggles to come but I know that with 100% of me fighting against them I’ll be able to win.
12:13 pm • 10 August 2012 • 6 notes • View comments