I sort of went into freshman year with the idea that there is something wrong with me that had to be fixed - hence the stream of making out sessions with people and hookups galore. But… I never felt sexually attracted to any of those people nor did I really want to have sex with them (besides the purpose of trying to make myself feel attracted to someone/feel normal). Nor did I ever enjoy sex, crave it or really feel anything at all. Since late elementary school/early middle school when everyone started talking about boys I never really got it. I wished that people would keep taking about Barbie and Pokemon. I didn’t understand the whole “who do you like?”, I’ve never had a celebrity crush (ever!), I’ve never had a sexual dream or fantasy, I don’t really even understand the distinction between a friendship and a relationship too well. And all the people that my friends thought were hot at school had to first be pointed out to me and I was just agreeing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have been in denial/didn’t know that I am asexual (not sexually attracted to anyone) and trying to act “normal”/straight. I want to fall in love with anyone - male, female, gender-queer - anyone who wants to love me back and doesn’t fear/hate the fact that I will never be sexually attracted to them.

Ever since figuring out this about myself and telling a few people I am so much happier. A lot of the confusion and sadness in my life is gone. I know I still have a lot of struggles to come but I know that with 100% of me fighting against them I’ll be able to win.